Coming out – my closet was an air raid shelter

[Phoenix]

#4092

A year has passed, after same – sex marriage was voted YES and again I was challenged at a work Christmas party of my true sexuality in a crowded bar, which my reply has always been a loud NO

I am a Christian how on earth can I be Gay.

I arrived home in the early hours of the morning mentally and emotionally drained, collapsing near my bed in the darkness with the familiar tears dwelling in my eyes.

This time God I need your help I am tired of lying to myself and others, I don’t want to hide in my skin anymore, I AM GAY, Help.

You see I have been saying this for the last 32 years but now I meant it, feeling exhausted and continually being spiritually abused the only way to survive was fold into the foetal position and wait for the avalanche of what was to come from the pulpit.

Your evil and abomination in the sight of your father, YOU disgust him and will slowly painfully burn in hell forever and EVER and never feel his touch.

When people refer to coming out of the closet, my interpretation of a closet was totally different, mine was an air raid shelter like the one when the tornado was a about to hit Kansas. Over the years mine had weeds, grass and roots of old trees grown over it. Hetro sexual families taking their children out to play and lovers making out for the first time, walking and playing over the door into the air raid shelter, no one aware that underneath there was a soul, a breathing soul who was too ashamed to come out and play like everyone else, because I was different no I was evil and perverse and someone to watch constantly over your shoulder.

So when individuals COME OUT everyone has their own personal and painful story to tell and it is your story no one else’s, so take good care of it and nurse it.
I was frequently told
• Why do you have to come out
• Why did you take so long
• Or you should’ve come out years ago, look at all these years you have wasted
• AND the classic statement of all, don’t throw it all away.

There is no time limit on coming out, you don’t press a little red button and pop out of nowhere, all squeaky clean. You personally come out in your own time when you feel ready and safe, so ignore what people may say to you with their best intentions as they are the most damaging and trust your instincts as they will lead you to the most amazing and supportive individuals, that will enable you to develop and become the person you are born to be and these very same people become your friends.

[RainbowChild]

#4108

Phoenix thanks for sharing your journey so bravely. Coming out is different for everyone and is never easy. People’s reactions vary and the most important thing is to have supportive people around you.
I found it better to tell the ones who would be supportive, before people who wouldn’t be.
I hope you are finding that you are accepted and loved by God.

[Phoenix]

#4121

Hi Rainbow child
Thankyou for your positive feedback
Nearly 12 months out
One of the greatest challenges have been letting go of false teaching that because someone is gay is due to a possessive overbearing mother and a passive father.
Which I possessed I was hearing from both the Christsin sector and endless counselling.
It has taken over a year to acknowledge to myself
That we are born gay hence God creates everything in his image and as i challenged a Pentecostal minister
God never makes a mistake.

[Anthony Venn-Brown OAM]

#4122

OMG….you did it. Congrats

[RainbowChild]

#4129

Yes Phoenix. God made you and loves you as you are.

[Author]

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