Monday night I was at a Catholic meeting to hear Kim Zember. It was a night of shocks. – three actually. 

Most sensible Sydneysiders stayed home last Monday night. It was a cold winter night.

Me? I ventured off to Holy Family Catholic Church in Maroubra. I’d been notified that Kim Zember was “sharing her story. of leaving her same sex attraction lifestyle and finding love for Jesus and returning to the Catholic Faith,” the promotion said.

I hadn’t heard of her before, but thanks to some Google searching, I was quickly updated. The term, “Same sex attraction lifestyle” was already a dead giveaway. Kim Zember, 42, from a devout Catholic family, had come out as a lesbian but had an encounter with God at 30, left her lesbian “lifestyle”, and was now celibate.

Not that any of the teaching or ideology was new to me. I’d written extensively about how the “change is possible” message of the Exodus days was being replaced with new language and changed to “you can be same sex attracted but never act on it or identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer (LGBTQ)”. I thought it would be good to hear one of these speakers live and possibly counteract some of the erroneous teachings and concepts. I was in for a few unexpected shocks, though.

The arrival

I took a friend with me. They’d been brought up Catholic but been Pentecostal most of their lives. I thought they might be helpful if I needed any Catholic teaching, terminology, or concepts translated into Pente-speak.

Shock number one.

Two security guards in black suits were standing at the entrance to the church hall; Trump-like bodyguards without the earpieces.

I wondered for a moment if I’d be refused entry. I’d used my real name on the RSVP. I’m not sure how well I’m known in Catholic circles, but the recent national program Reclaiming Pride would have made me easily recognisable. I’ve had total strangers pull me up in the street and tell me how moved they were by the Compass show.

In the hall, people were mostly engaged in conversation. My friend and I moved to the front to be seated. The third row on the end was safe, I thought.

The meeting began with a welcome from the hosts for the evening: Eastfest (Catholic Youth of the eastern suburbs), Parousia Media (a conservative Catholic evangelisation ministry) and the local priest, who opened in prayer.

Kim Zember the storyteller

From the outset, it was obvious that Kim Zember is an experienced and confident speaker. She has been sharing her story through conferences, podcasts, radio, and television for more than a decade.

She made two things clear almost immediately. First, she didn’t want to monopolise the evening, deliberately setting aside almost half the program for questions and discussion. That actually didn’t happen. Of the one hour and forty-five minutes, Kim spoke 90% of the time.

Second, she said she didn’t believe in conversion “therapy”, using that term herself to describe attempts to change a person’s sexual orientation which had been a hallmark of the “you can’t be gay” movement.

She also declared that she didn’t know why she was attracted to women.

For decades, one of the recurring themes within the “ex-gay”/conversion “therapy”  movement was that homosexuality occurred because of something in a person’s past, such as poor parenting, childhood trauma, sexual abuse, or unmet emotional needs. Kim rejected that explanation for herself. She described a loving Catholic family, supportive parents, and no history of sexual abuse.

As the evening unfolded, she returned to many of those familiar explanations. Childhood experiences, family dynamics, and unmet emotional needs all became part of the story she told to explain her attraction to women.

Several contradictions like this emerged in Kim’s presentation. Some were subtle. Others were difficult to miss.

Then shock number two happened.

A Pentecostal/evangelical message

Even though I was in a Catholic meeting, the message, language, and spiritual journey were extremely familiar. As a former Pentecostal preacher, I have heard hundreds, perhaps thousands, of testimonies like Kim’s. The only difference was that this one was taking place in a Catholic parish hall.

The pattern of the personal testimonies are the same:

  1. My life was a mess
  2. I cried out to God
  3. I had an encounter with God/Jesus
  4. My life changed dramatically from that point on

For Kim, she now regards October 17 as her spiritual birthday:

“It wasn’t until October 17, 2014, 12 years ago this October, that I threw my hands up, and I finally cried out to the God I’d been running from…God encountered me that night in such a profound way… The presence and power of God came on me in a way I’ve never experienced.” Kim said.

The testimonial pattern is always the same. Alcoholism. Drug addiction. Promiscuity. Crime. Occult involvement. These are all familiar themes in Christian conversion testimonies. And, of course, homosexuality has often been added to the list.

Whenever I’ve read or heard an “ex-gay” testimony, the themes are always the same. I chose my homosexuality, my life got messed up, I turned to God and left the “gay lifestyle”.

It is interesting to note that when heterosexual Christians tell these stories, they never conclude that their sexual orientation was the problem and they need to change or suppress that. The focus is on the poor life choices they made, the way they were living, or the unhealthy ways they were trying to meet legitimate needs. Those were the things that needed changing.

Kim’s life included failed relationships with women, deceit, affairs, a broken marriage, unfulfilling attempts to overcome a poor sense of self, a Catholic family that did not affirm her same-sex relationships, and an ongoing inner struggle between her sexuality and Catholic teaching. The proverbial “Catholic guilt” that many people speak of seemed deeply embedded from the beginning of her sexual journey.

Brokenness

One of the most revealing moments of the evening came when Kim explained her understanding of brokenness. She returned to this theme at least a dozen times.

“What I do believe is we’re born broken. I believe we’re born wounded. And those wounds and brokenness can show out in many different ways. And so some can lead towards homosexuality. Some can lead towards alcohol or coping mechanisms or sex.” Kim said.

My homosexuality has never been the problem. The problem has been the ignorance, discrimination, rejection, and abuse directed at me because of it. Being gay didn’t damage my mental health; believing the lies society and religious leaders told me about it did.

That’s why I reject the idea that my sexual orientation belongs in the same category as alcohol or dysfunctional coping mechanisms. It doesn’t.

The problem was never my homosexuality. The problem was what other people believed about it. When we internalise other people’s negativity, shame, and homophobia, that’s when the real damage begins. And as I looked around the room, I could see it happening before my eyes.

Original sin is a foundational Christian teaching, which is why we all need redemption, apparently. But if we were playing Bible Bingo I’d counter with “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb… I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13–14. Not broken.

I’ve known people like Kim for more than fifty years. In fact, for much of my life, I was one of them. They believed their same-sex orientation was a sin and that God wanted them to change.  Spiritual counselling or deliverance was sought and they tried to suppress what they believed God could never bless.

Then life took an unexpected turn. They fell in love. Not with an idea. Not with a “lifestyle” but with another human being. Many found themselves in healthy, loving, long-term relationships. Some married. Others created families. Some kept a deep and authentic Christian faith.

Their stories are no less real than Kim’s.

This prompted me to ask a question.

But Kim, what about?

I knew that Kim would disagree with me, but  I wanted the 100 or so people in the room to at least hear something positive about gay and lesbian people and their relationships amidst nearly two hours of negativity.

I began with an observation about how tonight had been more like being in an Evangelical/Pentecostal context than Catholic. Unfortunately, this launched Kim into five minutes of how wonderful Evangelicals and Pentecostals were and Catholics should embrace them as members of the Body of Christ. “God used them to light up my life with Him,” she said.

Kim took a breath, so I interrupted….”and my question is”…..

“Considering that it is through our sexual orientation we experience love, affection, intimacy, tenderness—so many beautiful things. Whether we’re same-sex oriented or opposite-sex oriented, that’s the space that we get to experience these beautiful God-given gifts. And I know of so many people who are gay, lesbian, who are in same-sex relationships, and today in Australia are married, and have all those beautiful things. They have their faith as well. There is no conflict for them.

And there are others that went through the journey to where you’re at today, but maybe after that, then had some changes in their life where they did fall in love with somebody of the same gender, and have been living very, very happily afterwards. So I’m just wondering what your response or observation is , or how do you feel about same-sex couples who are together, in love, married, and raising a family even?”

The room seemed to grow quieter.

It wasn’t a question about sex, orientation, celibacy, or suppression. It was a question about people.

Kim did what she had done with every question; she launched into another mini sermon for the next six or seven minutes. So much for her comment at the beginning of the evening about wanting to engage in conversation; equal time.

Rather than responding to the lives I’d described, she explained the Christian conservative understanding of sex. Sex, she said, is both unitive and procreative. Same-sex relationships cannot fulfil both purposes and therefore cannot reflect God’s design. She even linked this to her church’s opposition to contraception, saying that sexual relationships should always remain open to procreation.

“Sex is unitive… it’s procreative, it brings life. In homosexual relationships that are sexually active, by the very nature of how we’re created, male and female, it cannot be both of those” she said.

“I would say that if we’re having sexual activity outside of the openness, that’s why I also don’t believe in contraceptives, because there’s no openness to life, we’re actually flawed, right? So, that’s why our church doesn’t stand for contraceptives. That’s why church doesn’t stand for homosexual sin.” Kim concluded.

Shock number three.

No contraception? Really? In this day and age? She’s obviously out of touch. A 2025 Pew Research Center survey found that 84% of U.S. Catholics believe the Catholic Church should allow birth control. Even among Catholics who attend Mass weekly, 72% said the Church should permit it. 98–99% of sexually active Catholic women have used a form of contraception other than natural family planning at some point in their lives.

Then it got a bit weird.

“You could be open to having a child, but that means God would have to go against his own nature to bring forth a child. He did that once, and that’s when he came into the world… through a woman, without a man, through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.”, Kim added.

I wasn’t asking about the purpose of sex. I was asking how she understood the lives of people who have found love, companionship, commitment, and faith in same-sex relationships.

Those are different questions.

We didn’t hang around for conversation. We left. I needed a chardy…..or two.

Reflection and debrief over a chardy or two

Over a chardy or two my friend and I talked about the most disturbing moments of the evening.

A young Catholic therapist inquired about some clues from Kim about how he could work with LGBTQ clients without actually affirming them.

A novice nun said she worked with quite a lot of young adults and teenagers who were questioning their sexuality and they “wanted to move towards this particular lifestyle”. She wanted to warn them and save them from the path Kim had trodden. What would Kim suggest?

As disturbing as those moments were, what troubled me even more was the message being absorbed by the hundred or so people in the room. What would they take away? More importantly, what would they do with it?

Perhaps the young man sitting next to us, who had travelled from the other side of Sydney, was gay and desperately looking for answers. There were almost certainly parents with LGBTQ children, grandparents trying to make sense of a loved one’s story, and people with LGBTQ friends, neighbours and work colleagues. What conversations would they have when they got home? What advice would they give? What would they now believe was the loving response?

We already know what happens when people are taught that there is an irreconcilable conflict between their faith and their sexuality or gender identity. Decades of research and the lived experience of countless survivors paint a remarkably consistent picture: higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts. I’ve presented this evidence at conferences and seminars for years. The question isn’t whether this conflict causes harm. It does, and why so-called conversion “therapy” has been banned in NSW and other states. The question is whether the people in that room would leave better equipped to support those they love, or with beliefs that could deepen that conflict.

Here’s your take aways

If Kim Zember has chosen to suppress her orientation and reject her true identity, then so be it. She is making a choice at the moment. She’s an adult. It’s her life. But they may change in the future. It has for others who previously confidently said, “I was once gay, but God took it away” but are now in a loving same sex relationship. And there are others who previously preached the celibacy/suppression model who discovered their orientation was not something evil but the source of intimacy, companionship, and wholeness. A more powerful force washed shame away: LOVE!!!

And remember this.

  1. You’re not broken.
  2. You don’t have to fear being honest about what you’re feeling.
  3. If someone tells you lifelong suppression is your only faithful option, know that many sincere Christians have come to a different conclusion.
  4. Don’t make life-changing decisions based on one testimony. Listen widely. Read deeply. Ask questions.
  5. There are people who understand both your faith and your sexuality, and they will walk alongside you without trying to shame or pressure you.
  6. Whatever you decide, never lose sight of this: you are deeply loved, your life has value, and there is hope.