Can a straight person become gay?
Yes it happened twice: once in Wales and now in France
We often hear uneducated and ill-informed religious people sprouting the theory straight people can be turned gay. And that’s why they tell us it’s best to keep homosexuals in the closet, out of our schools and that diversity/anti-bullying programs should never be taught in schools as they promote the ‘hoooomosexual lifestyle’. The Rev Fred Nile called these programs brain-washing.
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| It’s not that easy |
Over the years, religious conservatives created fear-mongering campaigns with titles such as ‘Save our Children’ or ‘Protect our Children from Homosexual Recruitment’ believing that all it takes to turn a straight person over to the dark side is a gay man or lesbian……and this occurs supposedly through sexual abuse or seduction. Whist some might have one or several same-sex experiences, it never actually flicks the switch.
God knows, for four decades, Christian gay conversion therapy organisations have told endless stories of the opposite; people who say they were once gay but are now straight. The problem with those stories is that the people have not really changed their sexual orientation; they have basically suppressed it and in a heterosexual marriage become nothing more than situational heterosexuals. Over time they eventually realise that their ‘unwanted same sex attraction’ hasn’t really changed and they come out at 40, 50 or even 60.
Some spend the rest of their lives wondering about the wasted years as they face the reality that half or more of their lives were a lie. Others have never fully accepted their orientation, but only reluctantly resigned themselves to the fact they are gay. These are some of the saddest people on the planet, as they know they can’t be straight but wish they weren’t gay. Spending your life wishing you were someone you’re not is not living or even existing, it’s robbed you of your very existence.
Research has shown that there is no sexual orientation switch that flicks people over from DC to AC or vice versa; by the individual or by another person. If that was possible, then I would have definitely been straight. Everyone in my world tried to make sure my switch was on straight.
It began in kindergarten where all I ever heard about was fairy stories about the handsome prince and the beautiful princess. There were no fairies in my fairy stories. The indoctrination continued, through my teenage years where all that was ever talked about was sex with girls. The straight mould was reinforced by speaking disparagingly about men who had sex with men and the consequences for those who did were horrendous. And I tried hard to make sure the straight switch was kept on during the 16 years of marriage. Trying to hold my orientation on the straight switch was like trying to hold down a basketball in a swimming pool….you can do it for a while but eventually the natural force is too strong it pops up to the surface. Poof….I’m gay.
Can a straight person become gay? Yes.
Two examples have been recorded. The first one was when a 26 year old rugby-loving Welshman, Chris Birch, had a stroke and became a queer hairdresser .The second was when a French man, Didier Jambart‘s, Parkinson disease medication turned him into a raving, gay sex-addict.
So if you are straight and you want to become gay……sorry…..you have a fat chance. Unless of course you have a stroke or take the drug Requip. The down side though is that the stroke might not turn you gay and you’re left spending the rest of your life only able to use one side of your body or that you have to have Parkinson disease before a doctor can prescribe you Requip.. Not good odds either way.
Note to Christian conservatives. If you’re straight, you’re safe. Safe from the homosexual menace and conversion to the ‘hoooooomosexual lifestyle’.
Anthony, thanks for sharing this with us all. I wanted to add that I've written my own story of being ex-gay then coming out at 55 years of age. My book is called Ex'd Out, How I Fired the Shame Committee. Its a rough road to walk as I rediscover my true self all over again. But, thanks to a wonderful Life Coach (ahem) it's getting along easier.
….and everyone should read that book John….whats the link again.
Firstly, I want to say that I agree with your aim that people should accept their orientations (and those of others).
However, this is an overly polemical post. I'm a happily gay man and don't believe in the ex-gay movement (I'm also a happy atheist) but many more people than this have actually changed their view of their orientation (it can be quite a spontaneous thing and doesn't usually require medication or strokes).
I think I agree with many of your aims as a gay activist but I don't think they are really advanced by being so binary about orientation. You can then rightly be accused of being inaccurate and your aims can thus be undermined by doubts about your credibility.
I know from your book and views stated publicly that your experience is that your orientation hasn't changed despite significant efforts to shift it but that just happens to be your experience (it's probably also mine although I didn't spend nearly as much effort trying to change my orientation – for the most part I never bought into the idea that it was 'wrong' and was never anti-gay as you must have had to be to some extent in your role as a married minister). Changes are not rare, though, and should be accepted for what they are. So if any person who thought s/he was gay or a lesbian suddenly realises s/he loves someone of another or even no gender (or the converse) that, too, needs to be accepted rather than always challenged simply to prove a political point which it is incapable of really doing anyway.
Hey Martin….I like it when people take the time to comment (even when they diagree). this post is not meant to be a treatise on bisexuality or sexual fluidity but as a response to the sometimes Christian myth that gay people convert straight people to homosexuality and should be read in that context. I thought I established that in the first paragraph.
I do believe in bisexuality and orientation fluidity…..just not the way the conservative Christian do.
Thanks for the complimenents as well. In following the work I do you may have missed that I actually don't ever use the term gay activist. I dont like the term. Some may call that semantics…..but its important for me to reject the term as the connotations are not who I am in the worlds I work in.
I have an article on bisexuality and sexual fluidity I will be releaseing soon…..that may clarfiy the things I really believe about that. There may also be things you disagree with. More on that later.
Hi Anthony, thanks for your article.
My only concern is that there may be someone who identified as LGBT but after a medical episode or medication they “switched” to being straight.
What I understand that you don’t want to encourage conversion therapy, I just thought that maybe for the sake of clarity, you may suggest that is possible it could occur, even though you are unaware of such occurrences.
Just my two cent’s worth, anyway!
Take care
Peter
thanks for your comment Peter. I’m not aware of that ever happening. Are you?
this whole debate in my mind is getting somewhat confusing>>>>i have been a ladies man since my late teens,,,yet in my early teens have had a gay experience with another boy..where i was the perperator…than through out my life i was hetrosexual…with odd spells of gay boys making a bee line for me..which i resisted…in between i have had bouts of mental stimulation with gay thought…but the actual thought of being penetrated has always put me off..yet wanting to give a blow job is a major infatuation these days…which i hv not tried till date…..so what category do these actions and thought put me into…???
good question
I have a question . . . today I had an illuminating discussion with my ex husband. We were married in 1972 and separated 13 years later, parents of 2 young children. My husband declared himself to be gay a few months later and has lived with the same guy since he left us. I asked him today what he might have seen in me that would give him the idea that marrying was a good idea. I told him it was unfair for me to go into marriage when it was doomed right from the start.
He said he was quite happy to be married to me (I am apparently a good cook) and was happy to have 2 young children, but that my meanness tipped the scales and made him gay. I told him I had always believed people were born gay and now he was telling me it was a choice to go over to the other side . . . ? Anyhow, what I'd like to hear from you, Mr. Venn-Brown, is – DID I turn my ex husband to the gay lifestyle or was he born gay and after 13 years of marriage decided he preferred to live his life another way?
Hey mystified……I wonder if you would prefer to email me directly and we can talk privately about this…..if so email me directly to anthony@gayambassador.com …or if you would prefer me to answer here then just reply
I've sent you an email – thank you !
You certainly didn't turn you husband gay. I can't really think why he would say such a thing to you. The only thing I can think of us that he is harbouring anger within himself about his sexual orientation or the way things worked out ….or a combination of things. Is religion involved in this at all. That always intensifies things. He may be holding on to a lot of guilt, anger and grief which his projecting on to you. Its challenging enough for the straight female spouse in these situations without things like this being said by your former husband.
I was married in 1974 at the age of 23…..my wife and I had two lovely daughters. We separated after 16 years. So I've been out as a gay man for 22 years.
Situational heterosexuality is an article I wrote some time ago about our situations……it is one of the most viewed posts on my blog. It may answer some questions for you. Also the opening remarks on this might also be useful http://lgbttraining.blogspot.com.au/p/gay-lesbian-or-bisexual-in-straight.html
There are some sites you might also find helpful……there are for the straight spouse in this situation
1. http://www.straightspouseconnection.com/
2. http://www.straightspouse.org/
3. http://www.gayhusbands.com/
I hope this help…….
I agree. Call me to discuss
(914)815-3958!
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You mean, if someone ‘is’ straight for 40 years, could it be because he’s afraid of the repercussions if he comes out of the closet? Could he lose his family, his job, his friends, his financial security if he admits that he was gay?
Remember the changing times. Someone might feel coming out in 2018 is ‘easier’ than it would have been if he came out in 1978.
Hi Dawna….you might find this post of interest https://www.abbi.org.au/2010/04/situational-heterosexuality/
What a horrible offensive and ignorant thing to say. I was married to a woman, had three children – and never once felt a homosexual inclination. After 15 years of marriage I started to feel attraction for a colleague. By 18 years I was living with him. I did change and no longer have an interest in women. PS I was never religious – I just didn’t like men before, but now I do.
I’m not doubting your experience Keith……but it highly unusual. Most of us were situational heterosexuals https://www.abbi.org.au/2010/04/situational-heterosexuality/ I wonder….during your marriage were you ever tempted to have sex with another woman? I’m just intrigued
I’ve been straight all my life and after my having my son (now turning 1) I actually think(know) that I’ve totally fallen completely head over heels with my best friend who are already in a relationship I’m so in love with her that ill ask her to marry me
this is not an uncommon thing I’ve found. Women experience sexual fluidity and bisexuality far more than men do.
Obviously, everyone’s sexual orientation and experiences in life differ. It’s too bad that we don’t understand our selves or our sexual orientation early in life. Why does it take so long? Some go through a marriage and devorce because they realize they are homosexual. Appearently it takes years to find oneself. Christians could of prevented the sin of devorce if they had only learned to accept themselves and believe that God loves them as they are sooner! I’m 78 years old, a virgin, single all my life and it’s now beginning to dawn on me that, maybe, God wants us to find ourselves and accept ourselves and know by faith that He loves and cares about me .. . I’ve just got to learn to believe it! He forgives our sins. We are growing all the time.