
I came home from work one night to find my parents sitting at the dining room table, with my plane ticket and travel plans in-hand. They had searched my room and found the carefully hidden documents.
I was 18 at the time, and I came out to my parents again. I told them that as they had said I wouldn’t be welcome at home if I was gay that I had organised to leave and that I couldn’t change who I was. Over the course of a 6 hour conversation, my parents asked me to stay at home so we can try to work things out. I eventually agreed, on the condition that I could go for a holiday to Melbourne for a month as I had already purchased the ticket and organised to stay with the nice family I had met. The family in Melbourne were kind and accepting, and couldn’t understand how my parents could let something like my sexuality affect their relationship with me. I wanted to stay, having enjoyed the acceptance and support the family had provided me. After a few phone conversations, I told my mum the conditions for me to return home to live there. My parents agreed to try their hardest to meet my requests.
A few months later, a colleague at work suggested a book called. “A life of unlearning”. While reading it one night, my mum came into my room and asked about what I was reading. When I explained the content of the book, my mum began an argument stating that I was closed-minded for reading material that validates my point of view and not reading articles she provides me with. I was depressed and felt alone. Here I was thinking that my parents were making great progress towards accepting me and all of a sudden it became very apparent that they were tolerating me, not accepting me. I continued reading “A life of unlearning” and was amazed that there was someone else out there with similar experiences as myself. The book gave me the courage to approach my parents about my sexuality and help them to understand. I communicated openly with my parents, explained to them that this is not something I have chosen. All things that I should have done when I first came out at the age of 16. I even quoted parts from the book to help my parents understand.
It was a slow process, as most changes for the good are, but I am happy to say that today I am in a relationship with my boyfriend of two years. He has been over my house for dinner with my parents and we even occasionally watch DVDs together. It is now not uncommon for my mum or dad to mention his name in conversation. My sister explained that she would only have stopped me from being near her children if I ‘changed’ when I ‘became gay’. My sister said that as she could see that I was no different to who I was before, there was no problem. I now see my niece every week and love being an Uncle. I now feel accepted for who I am in my family. Having been in a relationship with my boyfriend helped my parents to see that not every gay man lives the stereotype. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Anthony for his book, “A life of unlearning” and its impact on my life. Thank you kindly.
Ryan Hastie (22)
WOW. What an inspirational talk. There is a God afterall. Fantastic! Im in my 40’s and this is a young man just starting out in his life … mine didn’t go that way but I am happy where I am today with my partner (yeah he’s Gay). I read the first book that came out after some time… it was last year… and this year is a new book! Fantastic because my original book is missing… someone has it and I am getting this book. Ryan, continue to hold your head up and hey I am so proud of you for standing up for what was difficult and you did it in the most mature christian way… Im so sad to know that you underwent so much fear and suffering… but glad it wasn’t too long before you found Anthony’s book. 35 years after I knew I was different did I find answers that I had been looking for all those years.