About Me.
On Christmas eve, 1998, a young man was playing guitar alone outside the closed roller shutter doors of one of the most well known churches in Singapore then located at Payar Lebar. Worshiping God, he was in tears. He was waiting for Cell group friends to celebrate the Christmas countdown. But on this festive occasion, there were just tears as the man sat worshipping God outside the closed church doors.
Many years earlier, he knew that he was gay and was attracted to guys. But sincerely seeking a normal life, he went for relationships with girl friends. Many were good friends but there was never the biological urge. It became good friendships only. Sitting outside, the church doors, it finally dawned onto him that He is getting old and perhaps He may never have a family which he so strongly desired.
As the man stood playing ‘I love you Lord?’, more tears came streaming down his cheeks. It was difficult to love God. It cost a lot – to have faith. For in a stroke of injustice, he was 5% of the population who is Gay despite not wanting it. There was a slim chance of only 1 in 20. But what ill fate? To be alone, to live in a closet that no one knows. To cry every night for God to take away this torn yet He did not. The sense of loneliness grips His heart. There was no one to turn to. It was Christmas for others for not for him.
That night, as the man played and sang ‘What a friend we have in Jesus?’, it was a hope that Jesus was with Him for He seems so far away. His friends could rejoice for they are straight, but for him, it marked a life lost, a death of dreams of hopes. There have been many previous dreams. Attending bible college was one of them but that was not completed due to church and work commitments. When accepted as a missionary to a foreign land, but at the last moment withdrawn for it felt not God’s will. These were minor deaths. But tonight, His whole life, His dreams to be a blessing for the work of God is no more. He would live and die a quiet life, a wasted life just because he is gay. But tonight, as he worshipped God, there was seemingly a very strong presence of God comforting him.
He knew that with the strong condemnation of homosexuality at this church, he must soon leave for the roller shutter doors of the church have shut forever for him. He would leave behind friends, loved ones…. to find himself. … to be alone with God. 🙁
Lamb
This is one of the many stories people shared on the Freedom2b community forum. Freedom2b was a lifeline for countless LGBTQ+ people navigating the collision of faith, identity, and survival. Its closure was not because of a lack of need, but simply a lack of funding to keep this vital work going. The mission lives on through Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International (ABBI), but we can only continue reaching those who are still struggling, still isolated, and still searching for hope with the support of people like you. If these stories have touched you, inspired you, or reminded you why this work matters, please consider making a donation to ABBI. Your generosity ensures that no one has to walk this journey alone.
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