Gay Religious Suicide – why we can never count the cost

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Gay Religious Suicide – why we can never count the cost

Research demonstrates something I have been pointing out for some time now. That is, that LGBT people of faith and religion experience the usual issues of resolving their sexuality or gender identity, coming out, finding their place in the community and learning what it means to live authentically in a predominately straight world.  They often however, experience these things with greater intensity and also have additional issues to deal with making them potentially one of the highest risk groups in our community.

The research project Writing Themselves In 3 (WTi3) 2010 interviewed 3,134 LGBT young people aged 14-21.

When religion was mentioned the key findings were:

  1. More likely to feel bad about their same sex attraction.
  2. More likely to have experienced social exclusion or had to tolerate homophobic language from friends.
  3. More likely to report homophobic abuse in the home.
  4. More likely to report feeling unsafe at home.
  5. More likely to not be supported by their mother, father, brother, teacher or student welfare coordinator/counsellor, when disclosing their SSA.
  6. More likely to report thoughts of self harm and suicide or to carry out self harm.

Previous research has shown that LGBT youth are 4-6 times more likely to attempt suicide so this recent research has demonstrated that my assumptions are correct. Thoughts of and attempts to suicide are much higher for LGBT people of faith.

More detailed research about this specific group is underway. Sex and the Sinner: Comparing Religious and Nonreligious Same-Sex Attracted Adults on Internalized Homonegativity and Distress 2014

In essence I would like to summarise with this statement.

A review of 850 research papers concluded that people with religious involvement and belief system have better mental health outcomes. They have higher levels of psychological well-being such as life satisfaction, happiness, positive effect, and higher morale and less depression and suicide. If however you are gay or lesbian (in the closet or your sexuality/belief system unresolved)…….. it is the exact opposite….it can drive you crazy or kill you (suicide). Also it should be noted that this research has shown that the very places where Christian young people should feel safest (in their churches, Christian homes, schools and with friends) are actually places of harm.

I just wanted you to know that you are an inspiration to me. Reading A Life of Unlearning assisted my mental health and acceptance for myself in a tangible way. I used to be on six antipsychotic drugs and now I’m only on one mild antidepressant. Thank you. It truly did help. I’ve always been taught that God hates me. I made a lot of friends in conversion therapy. Out of forty, only six are still alive (one died naturally, the rest suicide.) Your book gave me hope and let me see a truer Christ. Matt

Of the 15 men that were with me [in the Evergreen ex-gay/reparative/conversion therapy program] in the Denver area, one third of those men committed suicide. …  Steve Lee Ex-Mormon

Ex-gay/reparative/conversion therapies have definitely been the greatest source of harm. We will never actually know the toll of those who have suicided because of an ex-gay program. Or count the lives lost of those because of the perceived conflict of their faith and sexuality in a non-welcoming, non-accepting, non-affirming church culture.

The toll can’t be counted because:

  1. There is no duty of care with ex-gay ministries….they don’t follow up people who leave or disappear. They rarely if ever know it has happened.
  2. ‎The ex-gay leaders think the person who has quit the program have given into their ‘sin’ and therefore have to suffer the consequences.
  3. ‎When some young person commits suicide there is no box the coroner can tick that says Reason for Death = tortured by the internal conflict of my faith and sexuality. Tried to change my sexual orientation by going through the Living Waters, Liberty Ministries or other Restored Hope Network affiliated ministry and failed.
  4. Some people have left notes for their parents about the reason they took their lives but they have never been made public. Especially if the parents are Christians. There is already trauma and shame around the suicide and they would never add to that the revelation that their son or daughter was gay. That would make it even worse.
  5. Often pastors and youth leaders know the reason why the person took their life as they had talked to them in counselling sessions. The pastors and youth leaders won’t talk about the reason once again because of additional shame and also fear of controversy.
  6. ‎Sometimes people take their lives in ways that it is not obviously suicide…..it looks like an accident (eg head on collision, went off a road in the middle of the night)
  7. ‎Sometimes people don’t know the person has been through an ex-gay program. They have kept it a secret from everyone. Then we they leave they have such a sense of failure and shame that they never speak to anyone about their experience.

These tragedies have to cease.

If you or someone you know is at risk of self-harm, or otherwise in need of crisis support, please call Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1 300 659 467.

© Anthony Venn-Brown

By |2018-08-17T09:52:57+00:00September 10th, 2015|Categories: Church, Gay Christian, LGBTI|2 Comments

About the Author:

Anthony Venn-Brown
Anthony Venn-Brown is one of Australia’s foremost commentators on faith and sexuality. His best-selling autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning – a preacher’s struggle with his homosexuality, church and faith', details his journey from being one of the first in the world to experience religious gay conversion therapy, becoming a married, high profile preacher in Australia's growing mega-churches, such as Hillsong, to living as an openly gay man. Anthony was the co-founder and former leader of Freedom2b. He is an educator and consultant on LGBT/faith issues and leader in deconstructing the ex-gay/reparative/conversion therapy myth. Anthony is the founder and CEO of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International. Anthony has been recognised on a number of occassions for his contribution and impact including being twice voted one of 'The 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’.

2 Comments

  1. Charles November 29, 2018 at 1:49 pm - Reply

    Thank you thank you thank you for this article. I recently started following your ministry. As a same gender loving 2016 retired pastor, individual, I had the pleasure of talking to a young man who shared his experience as a gay Christian younth leader. He was outed and was forced to leave his church by the pastor and other staff. Even though as if last week he’s in a church established for gay Christians, he’s still healing from the emotional spiritual negative impact on his life, including thoughts of taking his life. Your points will better prepare me to help others who I come in contact with, as a retired pastor myself. Thank you thank you and thank you!

    • Anthony Venn-Brown
      Anthony Venn-Brown November 30, 2018 at 6:28 pm - Reply

      Charles……you’ve made my day. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I’m thrilled to know that this article has been helpful

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